Where's Yuber?
by Minmei
Summary: [Suikoden 3] Our favorite demonic man in black returns to Karaya to satisfy his insatiable lust for war. 1% humor, 99% disturbing.


_Author's note: I was going to leave this at AFFN, but realized I could still post it at with an R rating and a slight retouch...and yes, there's a reason for the rating. People have done worse, but this is probably the most evil thing I've written...for Suikoden, anyway._

_I never thought much of Yuber in S1 or S2, except that he was pretty hot for a non-human. In S3, he's still hot, but creepy for the most part with all the talk of blood and death and war and chaos. In some ways, he's like the Dorothy Catalonia of the Suikoden series. And so, I randomly decided to write a random situation where a random Yuber randomly unleashes his most aggressive desires._

_Feel free to flame. Stories this disturbing need at least one._

"Wait a minute," Albert said, stopping in his tracks.

"What?" asked Luc, whose uniquely carved mask hid the confused look upon his face.

"Where's Yuber?"

"Huh? That's strange..." Luc's voice showed a trace of uneasiness. Their group had exited a warp moments ago and had been walking-supposedly altogether-since then. "I was pretty sure he teleported with the rest of us."

"Maybe he went back," suggested Sarah. "Anyway, can't you sense him?"

"Hmm." Luc bowed his head. "Let's see...yes, he's still somewhere in the Karaya village." After a pause, he added to himself, "What could that fool be thinking?"

* * *

"Gulaawaaaaaugh!" The dying scream came from the throat of one of the Karaya fighters. He stumbled back just as Yuber yanked the sharp steel out of his stomach.

Yuber smiled. Not a broad or friendly smile, mind you, but he was contented by such a sight. He watched gleefully as the warrior fell down, rolling slightly onto his side. The blood spilled thickly from his wound.

"I wonder what kind of sound the next one will make?" The man in black turned around with that twisted smirk still on his face. His eyes flashed in excitement as a frightened Karayan woman came into view.

"P-please!" she cried as he started to approach her. "L-leave us alone! Just-just go away! Think of the children!"

Yuber stopped in his tracks. "'Think of the children'?" he repeated. "Okay, how's this. After I'm done here, I'll wake them up in their little beds right before I stab them in their little hearts. What do you think?"

The woman's eyes bulged in anger. "Y...you monster!" she shrieked at him.

"Well, duh." Yuber scoffed and resumed the ominous stride toward his soon-to-be victim.

While backing up, the woman lost her balance. "N-no!" she yelped as she fell onto the grass. Light from the flames caused Yuber's shadow to expand vertically in the woman's direction as she scooted her body away in a poor attempt to escape him.

Behind one of the Karayan huts on the other side of the village, Luc, Sarah, and Albert had reappeared.

"Did you hear that?" asked Sarah.

"Hear what?" Luc questioned.

"It sounded like a woman screaming."

The three stopped in silence. Luc was about to shake his head no, when...

"Aiiiieeeeeee! Please...not tha- augh...!"

"It came from the other side of the village," Albert said.

"Damn," said Luc. "Are the Zexens still around?"

"Only a few, but they're starting to leave," replied Sarah.

Though it was not visible, Luc wore an extremely furious expression.

Meanwhile, Yuber was decorating a wooden post with a new ornament he had acquired from the now deceased woman.

"There we go," Yuber said happily as he mounted the woman's severed head upon the flat surface of the post. "Aside from chaos, there's nothing better in the world than some good hard wood! Come to think of it, I think I'm getting some hard wood of my own!" He began to giggle as he moved a hand over the crotch of his pants.

"What are you doing there?" a voice demanded from behind him.

The man in black whirled around to find himself looking upon a knight from Zexen. "Me? I'm savoring this moment. So shut up if you will...unless, of course, you'd like to become a part of the next moment."

The knight glared. "What did you say? Who do you think you are?"

Yuber's eyes narrowed as he whipped out his blades. "I'll be your slayer in a minute, I told you. Are all you fools hard of hearing?"

"H-how dare you?" The Zexen man drew his sword and charged ahead at Yuber.

Yuber swiftly dodged the attack, countering with a couple of swings to the man's back.

The knight dropped to the ground facedown, releasing his weapon. He let out what sounded like a groan of pain.

"Heh." Yuber's smile was clear indication of his amusement. "Pathetic. This is the best you Zexen knights can do? I'm not sure you're even worth the effort of slaying!" With that, he started to walk away.

"H-hold it...!" There was a faint sound of metal scraping the dirt.

The man in black turned his head. "Hmm...?" From the corner of his eye, he could see that the knight had moved to his feet and was struggling to stay standing. "What is it you want now?"

"Aa...I'll...I'll kill you...!" Sword in hand, the knight ran toward Yuber once again.

Yuber quickly spun around. "Not if I kill you first!" One of his long blades skewered the man completely through the left side of his stomach. Yuber glowered nastily as he then proceeded to shove the other weapon symmetrically through the knight's gut.

The knight never had the chance to scream. All he could do during his last moments was gag on a thick, crimson liquid, while helplessly leaning toward his opponent.

"Yeah...you like that, don't you?" taunted Yuber as he sneered, symbolically thrusting the sharp metal into the knight's wounds. "You wanted to-ungh!-take me on-ungh!-didn't you? Well, that's-ungh!-fine by me!" He continued grunting and thrusting until the knight's corpse had slid almost completely across both blades, its head resting upon Yuber's chest.

"Ha ha ha." The man in black then brought his foot up, pushing the dead body messily off of his twin blades. "That gave me such a chubby. By chaos, I love war!"

"What? By the Goddess, what has happened here?"

Yuber sighed in annoyance as he turned his gaze to a pair of Zexens. Without a word, he summoned a bolt of lightning, striking one of them dead. He wasn't feeling too creative at that moment.

"Nooo!" cried the other knight as he caught his smoking comrade. "Hey, you all right, buddy? Hey, answer me, man! Hey..." When he received no response, he turned his head back at Yuber, glaring at him in pure hatred. "You bastard...I'll make you pay for that!"

Yuber sighed boredly. "You say it, but you don't really mean it."

"Let's see if I mean this!" The knight dropped his friend and predictably advanced toward his opponent, but was knocked back by a swipe of Yuber's weapon.

"Again!" whined Yuber in exasperation. "Are you men even trying?" He walked up to the knight, looking down at him in disappointment.

The Zexen groaned as he brought himself to one knee. "You...you dare to mock me?"

Yuber immediately knelt down to the knight's level, a menacing glint in his odd-colored eyes. "No. I dare to _kill_you!" Before he knight could protest, Yuber shoved a blade partly into the man's midsection.

"Guh...h..." Yuber then jerked the bloodied blade out, and the Zexen stumbled backward and fell over.

The man in black began to chuckle again. "I love it. I love it!" With an evil grin, he looked upon the knight once more. "Are you still alive? Well, how about this?" He took his other weapon and slashed the man across his throat, watching with fascination as the blood seemed to spray outward. Yuber drew closer and brought his head down, as though taking a drink from a water fountain. The dribbling liquid colored his cheek red.

"Ohhh," Yuber moaned in ecstasy as he brought a hand up to that cheek. "So much blood I have drawn, but...never have I had the pleasure of experiencing its warm touch!" He moved back, smearing the blood across the right side of his face. His mouth parted slightly, and he began to breathe a little faster. He ran his stained fingers across his open mouth, his tongue sampling the thick, crimson ooze. It tasted like raspberry Kool-Aid.

"Sweet is the satisfaction of extracting human blood, but far sweeter its taste! Argh!" Yuber fell back, breathing even harder. He swung his untainted arm full-force onto the ground, his eager fingers ripping and clawing at the dirt. "Oh, chaos! My only love!" He violently pulled up thick clumps of dirt, grass and all, and brought it up to his non-stained cheek.

Yuber giggled hysterically as he shoved the dirt into the clean part of his face, while still rubbing the other side with the knight's blood. He began to roll over on the ground slowly as he did this. After a while, his hands were traveling southward, fingers trailing filthily down his neck. Yuber moved over on his back then, putting his soiled gloves upon his chest. The man dirtied the fabric of his coat as he rubbed his clutching hands all over himself. His body squirmed on the grass as a wonderful sensation filled his soul.

"Must...have...more!" Yuber screamed excitedly, turning over on his stomach. He got up on all fours, and began a slow, seductive crawl toward the Zexen whose blood he had tasted. "You don't mind, do you?" he asked teasingly as he approached the armored man. "Tee hee..."

Lowering his face in a cat-like manner, Yuber brought his lips to the open throat of the dying Zexen knight. Just then, his mouth parted, and his tongue began a gradual trek across the bloody laceration. "Oh...yes...not chilly yet...YES!" There was a massive bulge within Yuber's pants, and by now he had grown quite desperate to free it. He had to free it. He just had to...

"GOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked the man at the top of his lungs. "Nuh...!" He flipped the knight over on his stomach, rapidly tearing away his clothes and armor. Yuber grabbed his blades, slicing and cutting fanatically at the soldier's back. Being as brutal as possible, he drew enough blood to make himself happy.

With another roar, Yuber threw his weapons aside and hopped to his feet. In a disturbing euphoria, he ripped the button off of his trousers and unzipped them, pulling them down completely. With a relieved sigh, he set his gaze upon the knight once more.

* * *

"Yuber?" Albert called. He had been walking on this path for some time now, while Sarah and Luc had taken separate routes.

"Yuber-" He stopped in his tracks as he heard a horrible noise in the distance. It was a combination of animal shrieks and grunts. "Oh no..."

Albert sprinted toward a collection of huts, hoping he wasn't too late. As soon as he turned a corner, however...

"Yuber? Yu-" Albert came to a complete halt as a horrific scene played before him.

There, in front of him, was the one known as Yuber making a complete spectacle of himself. He appeared to be straddling the mutilated body of a Zexen knight, and he was not wearing pants. With one hand, he was energetically rubbing the exposed wounds of the dead body in a circular motion, causing the blood to swirl in the middle. With the other, he was vigorously masturbating, using the crimson he had collected from the palette of the knight's back. Yuber would bounce on the backside of the corpse from time to time, evidence the aggressive fellow was no longer repressing his lust for brutality, to the extent of any compromise he might have made with his temporary comrades.

A few seconds later, Yuber finally noticed Albert's presence and lifted his head. Wearing a strange look upon his face, he unabashedly grinned at Albert while Albert stared back, completely expressionless.

No words were traded as Albert lowered his eyes down to Yuber's left hand, which was still on the corpse's back, and then up to Yuber's dirtied, bloodied face, and down again to Yuber's other hand which was sliding down a certain portion of Yuber's anatomy, and again up to Yuber's sullied face with those piercing, two-toned eyes. A long, uncomfortable silence ensued.

And then, Albert backed away slowly, hands lifted slightly. He continued in this manner until he was completely out of sight. About five seconds later, Yuber could hear Albert's voice in the distance.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't find him anywhere. Let's try again tomorrow."

* * *

*** THANKS TO SUPERMAN DUO AND ~KASUMI, WHO INSPIRED ME WITH THEIR WARGASMIC TALES. IT'S JUST TOO BAD HAS FOREVER LOST YOUR MASTERPIECES.


End file.
